Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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