I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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