Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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