Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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