I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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