you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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