Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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