I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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