I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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