i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize