I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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