Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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