they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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