i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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