I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize