Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  but she's really nice

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  (301): She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds. (301): but she's really nice http://tfl.nu/144l
  Replies (3) Good night (1021) Bad night (422)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

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  (859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf
  Replies (130) Good night (8424) Bad night (3041) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (8825) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.

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  (630): my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/0m3h
  Replies (24) Good night (1489) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.

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  (616): Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning. http://tfl.nu/mwtc
  Replies (22) Good night (4316) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

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  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7799) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9453) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.

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  (631): Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants. http://tfl.nu/35y8
  Replies (9) Good night (2456) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........

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  (718): He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........ http://tfl.nu/befd
  Replies (21) Good night (1715) Bad night (3317) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.

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  (913): did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box. http://tfl.nu/h01u
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.

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  (607): Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete. http://tfl.nu/hi8m
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.

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  (612): Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C. http://tfl.nu/wowt
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I'm puking in a turkey pan....

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  (360): You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal. (1-360): I'm puking in a turkey pan.... http://tfl.nu/y4jv
  Replies (6) Good night (1015) Bad night (312)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge

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  (425): I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge http://tfl.nu/ss4f
  Replies (5) Good night (1045) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.

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  (720): I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win. http://tfl.nu/oqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt

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