we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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