I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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