Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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