ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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