You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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