Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
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Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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