he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize