Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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