Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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