She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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