What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize