Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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