dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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