is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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