we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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