i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Panties = found
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