Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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