i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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