I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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