So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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