I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You can't just leave with hair like that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize