Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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