bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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