I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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