I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize