I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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