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Your dad touched me again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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