like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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