Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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