i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize