so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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