I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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