I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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