we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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